Jokes II

Laloo Prasad Yadav talks to his son .

Laloo : I want you to marry a girl of my choice

Son : "I want to choose my own bride".

Laloo : "But the girl is Ambani's daughter."

Son : "Well, in that case......Yes"

Next Laloo approaches Mukesh Ambani

Laloo : "I have a husband for your daughter."

Ambani : "But my daughter is too young to marry."

Laloo : "But this young man is a vice-president of the World Bank."

Ambani : "Ah, in that case.....Yes"

Finally Laloo goes to see the president of the World Bank.

Laloo : "I have a young man to be recommended as a vice-president."

President :"But I already have more vice-presidents than I need."

Laloo : "But this young man is Ambani's son-in-law."

President : "Ah, in that case........Yes."

This is how business is done The Laloo Way

There was a German, an Italian and SIPHO on death row.
>
>
>The warden gave them a choice of three ways to die:
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>1. To be shot
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>2. To be hung
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>
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>3. To be injected with the AIDS virus for a slow death.
>
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>So the German said, "Shoot me right in the head." Boom, he was dead
>instantly.
>
>
>Then the Italian said, "Just hang me." Snap! He was dead.
>
>
>Then it was SIPHO'S' turn, and he said, "Giva me some of dat AIDS
>stuff." They gave him the shot, and SIPHO fell down laughing. The
>guards
>looked at each other and wondered what was wrong with this guy. Then
>SIPHO said, "Give me another one of those shots," so the guards did.
>Now
>he was laughing so hard, tears rolled from his eyes and he doubled
>over.
>
>
>Finally the warden said, "What's wrong with you?" Then SIPHO replied,
>"Eish wena, jo guys ar so stupid. I am wearing da condom."

Just in case you ever got the two mixed up. This should make things a bit clearer.

IN PRISON: you spend the majority of your time in an 8X10 cell.
AT WORK: you spend the majority of your time in a 6X8 cubicle.

IN PRISON: you get three meals a day.
AT WORK: you only get a break for one meal and you pay for it.

IN PRISON: you get time off for good behavior.
AT WORK: you get more work for good behavior.

IN PRISON: the guard locks and unlocks all the doors for you.
AT WORK: you must carry around a security card and open all
the doors for yourself.

IN PRISON: you can watch TV and play games.
AT WORK: you get fired for watching TV and playing games.

IN PRISON: you get your own toilet.
AT WORK: you have to share with some idiot who pees on the seat.

IN PRISON: they allow your family and friends to visit.
AT WORK: you can't even speak to your family.

IN PRISON: the taxpayers pay all expenses with no work required.
AT WORK: you get to pay all the expenses to go to work and
then they deduct taxes from your salary to pay for prisoners.

IN PRISON: you spend most of your life inside bars wanting to
get out.
AT WORK: you spend most of your time wanting to get out and go
inside bars.

IN PRISON: you must deal with sadistic wardens.
AT WORK: they are called managers.
__________________

A young lady in the maternity ward just prior to labour is asked by the midwife if she would like her husband to be present at the birth.

"I'm afraid I don't have a husband" she replies.

"O.K. Do you have a boyfriend?" asks the Midwife.

"No, no boyfriend either."

"Do you have a partner then?"

"No, I`m not attached, I'll be having my baby on my own."

After the birth the midwife again speaks to the young woman, "You have a healthy bouncing baby girl, but I must warn you before you see her that the baby is black."

"Well," replies the girl, "I was very down on my luck, with no money and nowhere to live, and so I accepted a job in a porn film. The lead man was black."

"Oh, I`m very sorry," says the midwife, "that`s really none of my business and I'm sorry that I have to ask you these awkward questions but I must also tell you that the baby has blonde hair."

"Well yes," the girl again replies, "you see the co-star in the movie was this Swedish guy."

"Oh, I`m sorry," the midwife repeats, "that`s really none of my business either and I hate to pry further but your baby also has slanted eyes."

"Yes," continues the girl, "there was a little Chinese man also in the movie, I really had no choice."

At this, the midwife again apologizes, collects the baby and presents her to the girl, who immediately proceeds to give the baby a slap on the butt.

The baby starts crying and the mother exclaims, "Thank god for that!"

"What do you mean?" says the midwife, shocked.

"Well," says the girl extremely relieved, "I had this horrible feeling that she was going to bark."

Once there was a bus conductor, who was very rude to
his
> passengers. One day a beautiful young girl, of
around 18
> years,tried to board the bus, but he didn't stop the
bus.
> Unfortunately the beautiful young girl came under
the bus and died
> on the spot. Angry passengers took the conductor to
the police
> station, who in turn took him to the court.
> The judge was not at all impressed with him and gave
him capital
> punishment.He was taken to the electrocution
chamber. There was a
> single chair in the center of the room and a single
banana peel at
> one corner of the room. The conductor was strapped
to the chair
> and high voltage current was given to him. But to
everyone's
> amazement, he survived. The judge decided to set him
free, and he
> returned to his profession.
>
> After a few months, this time, a good looking middle
aged woman
> tried to board the bus but the conductor didn't stop
the bus.
> Unfortunately, this time also,the good looking
middle aged woman
> came under the bus and died on the spot. Again angry
passengers
> took him to the police station, who in turn took him
to the court.
> The judge took one look at the conductor and gave
him capital
> punishment. The Bus conductor was taken to the same
electrocution
> chamber where there was a single chair in the center
of the room
> and a single banana peel at one corner of the room.
He was
> strapped to the chair and high voltage current was
given to him.
> This time also to everyone's amazement, he survived.
The judge
> decided to set him free, and he returned to his
profession.
>
> A couple of months later, an elderly gentleman tried
to board the
> bus.
> This time the Bus conductor, remembering his earlier
experiences,
> stopped the bus. Unfortunately the elderly gentleman
slipped and
> died due to his injuries. The conductor was taken to
the police
> station and then to the court, to the same judge.
Though he hadn't
> done anything wrong, but considering his past record
the judge
> decided to set an example and gave him capital
punishment. The Bus
> conductor was again taken to the same electrocution
chamber where
> there was a single chair in the center of the room
and a single
> banana peel at one corner of the room. He was
strapped to the
> chair and high voltage current was given to him.
This time he died
> instantly !!!!!!!!!!!
>
> The question is why didn't he die on the first two
occasions, but
> died instantly the third time??
>
> Try to solve it yourselves. This is rather
interesting and answer
> is perfectly logical. If necessary read the puzzle
once again.
>
.>
>.
>.
> .Still you couldn't, Then see below.........
>...

> think hard
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>
>
wanna know the answer????
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>>
>>
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> Answer :
> During the first two times, the conductor was a Bad
Conductor,
> therefore electricity didn't pass through him. But
during the
> third
> time, he was a good conductor, electricity passed
through him
> freely and he died!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
>
>
>
>
>
>
> Ha Ha Ha ha !!!!!!!! Obviously you gotta revise your
science
> chapter on Electricity ???


Dikhave par mat jao apni akal lagao !

Bihar Driving License...
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DRIVING LICENSE APPLIKASON PHOROM
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NOTE: Please do not soot the person at the applikason kounter.
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provide your own thumb impression.)

PELEASE DO NOT USE PHINGERS OF YOUR LEGS

Use thumb on your lepht hand only. If you dont have lepht hand, use
your thumb on right hand. If you do not have right hand, use thumb on
lepht hand.

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WE ARE VARY ISTRICT ABOUT THIS

A man was praying to God.

He said, "God!?"

God responded, "Yes?"

And the guy said, "Can I ask a question?"

"Go right ahead," God said.

"God, what is a million years to you?"

God said, "a million years to me is only a second."

"Hmmm," the man wondered. Then he asked, "God, what is a million
dollars worth to you?"

God said, "a million dollars to me is as a penny."

So the man said, "God. can I have a penny?"

And God cheerfully said, "Sure!!.....just a second."

Laloo's 1 rocks!!!!!