One morning at a doctor's surgery a patient arrives complaining of
serious back-pain. The doctor examines him and asks him" OK, what happened
to
your back?"

The patient replies "You know that I work for a local night club?
This morning I got home to my apartment early and heard a noise in my
bedroom.

On entering I knew someone had been with my wife and the balcony door
was open. I rushed out the balcony door and did not find anyone. As I looked
down from the balcony I saw a man running out and he was dressing
himself.
I grabbed the fridge and threw it at him, that's how I strained my back"


The 2nd patient arrives looking as if he has been in a car wreck. The
doctor said, "My previous patient looked bad, but you look terrible.
What the hell happened to you?"

He replied, "You know I have been unemployed for a
while now. Today was the first day at my new job. I forgot to set my
alarm and was running late. I was running out of the building, getting
dressed at
the same time, and you won't believe it but I was hit by a fridge."


The 3rd patient arrives; he looks even worse than the other two patients
do. The doctor is shocked. Again asks, "What the hell happened to
youuuuuu.....?"


"Well I was sitting in a fridge & someone threw it from the 3rd floor"


A pastor wanted to raise money for his church and, on being told there was a fortune in horse racing, decided to buy one and enter it in the races.

However, at the local auction, the going price for a horse was so high that he ended up buying a donkey instead.

He thought that since he had it he might as well go ahead and entered it in the race and, much to his surprise, the donkey came in third. The next day the local paper carried this headline:


PASTOR'S ASS SHOWS



The pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the race again, and this time it won. The local paper read:


PASTOR'S ASS OUT FRONT



The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the pastor not to enter the donkey in another race. The next day, the local paper headline read:


BISHOP SCRATCHES PASTOR'S ASS


This was too much for the Bishop, so he ordered the pastor to get rid of the donkey.


The pastor decided to give it to a nun in a nearby convent. The local paper, hearing of the news, posted the following headline the next day:


NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN



The Bishop fainted. He informed the nun that she would have to get rid of the donkey, so she sold it to a farmer for ten dollars. The next day, the paper read:


NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10


This was too much for the Bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy back the donkey and lead it to the plains where it could run wild. Headlines read:



NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE


The Bishop was buried the next day.

Proper dosage of vaigra ...With new girl no need ..

with old girl half tab, with mistress one tab,

with wife ... 2 tab + blue film +beer+wine+whisky+will power !!!

And since it is a jopke thread- here goes!!

Drive-thru ATM Driving Procedures

MALE PROCEDURE:
1. Drive up to the cash machine.
2. Put down your car window.
3. Insert card into machine and enter PIN.
4. Enter amount of cash required and withdraw.
5 . Retrieve card, cash and receipt.
6. Put window up.
7. Drive off.

FEMALE PROCEDURE! :
1. Drive up to cash machine.
2. Reverse and back up the required amount to align car window with the machine.
3. Set parking brake, put the window down.
4. Find handbag, remove all contents on to passenger seat to locate card.
5. Tell person on cell phone you will call them back and hang up
6. Attempt to insert card into machine.
7. Open car door to allow easier access to machine due to its excessive distance from the car.
8. Insert card.
9. Re-insert card the right way.
10. Dig through handbag to find diary with your PIN written on the inside back page.
11. Enter PIN.
12. Press cancel and re-enter correct PIN.
13. Enter amount of cash required.
14. Check makeup in rear view mirror.
15. Retrieve cash and receipt.
16. Empty handbag again to locate wallet and place cash inside.
17. Write debit amount in check register and place receipt in back of checkbook.
18. Re-check makeup.
19. Drive forward 2 feet.
20. Reverse back to cash machine.
21. Retrieve card
22. Re-empty handbag, locate card holder, and place card into the slot provided.
23. Give appropriate look at the irate male driver waiting behind you.
24. Restart stalled engine and pull off.
25. Redial person on cell phone.
26. Drive for 2 to 3 miles.
27. Release parking brake.

Little Mary was not the best student in Sunday school. Usually she slept through the class. One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, ''Tell me, Mary, who created the universe?'' When Mary didn't stir, little Johnny, an altruistic boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear. ''God Almighty !'' shouted Mary and the teacher said, ''Very good'' and Mary fell back to sleep.
A while later the teacher asked Mary, ''Who is our Lord and Savior?'' But Mary didn't even stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her again. ''Jesus Christ!'' shouted Mary and the teacher said, ''Very good,'' and Mary fell back to sleep.
Then the teacher asked Mary a third question, ''What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?'
And again, Johnny jabbed her with the pin.
This time Mary jumped up and shouted, ''If you stick that damn thing in me one more time, I'll break it in half!''
The Teacher fainted

ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ = American Born Confused Desi Emigrated From Gujarat
Housed In Jersey Keeping Lotsa Motels Named Omkarnath Patel Quickly Reached Success Through Underhanded Vicious Ways Xenophobic Yet Zestful

Facts of life:::

Q: What's the difference between cricketers and condoms?

A: Cricketers drop the catches and condoms catches the drops.

Q: What is the difference between riding a bicycle and a woman?

A: Riding a bicycle you fix your ass & move your legs, riding a woman you fix your legs & move your ass.

Q: What three things are common between the sun and woman's underwear?

A: Both are hot, both look better while going down and both disappear at night.

Q: Why do men ask for a woman's hand in marriage?

A: Because they are tired of using their own.

Q: What's common between men and video?

A: Both go backward... forward...backward...forward...

backward....forward... stop and eject.

Q: What is the closest thing similar to a woman's period?

A: Your salary, it comes once a month lasts about 5-7 days and if it doesn't come means you are in big trouble

Q: What goes in dry, comes out wet, and gives warm satisfaction?

A: A teabag.

7 qualities to be a perfect wife:

Beautiful,

Responsible

Energetic

Adorable

Sweet

Truthful and

Self-Organized.

In short, she must have good B.R.E.A.S.T.S

Q: Who is a gynaecologist ?

A: He is the only fool on the earth who looks for problems in a place, where most people find pleasure

I guess we all know about the Middle-Eastern Suicide bombers and the harem of 72 virgin girls waiting in paradise to welcome the hero with all their 144 arms.

Ever wondered how this scam worked? I mean how do they arrange for 72 virgins for each sucker to falls for this scam...

This is how:

A suicide bomber completed his mission and went to jehadi paradise and met the reward coordinator (RC). The RC congratulated the bomber and right away took him to the Harem Administration complex and asked him to stand in a queue. As the bomber stood in line, he recognised some of his comrades in arms standing in the same line, all grinning in anticipation.

When his turn came, the bomber walked in and there they were, 72 virgin girls all in lovely dresses, they were young, eager to please, with mischief in their eyes and were all downright ugly!!!

The bomber was shocked...

Bomber: "Hey, these are the ugliest females I have ever laid eyes on...Why are they so ugly?"

RC: "Why do you think they are all still virgins?"

The bomber fainted.

RC: "Next..."

The next guy walks in...

And the show, I mean the scam goes on.