Taansen aur Birbal

Birbal and Tansen

Birbal aur Tansen mein badi kaampteesan raha kartee thi. Ekbolta tha ki 'Aye bhaand, badshah ko chootia banana koi tujh se seekhe. Kaamdhaam hain nahin, gaane gaate gaate saala nav ratna ban gaya!' Doosra kehta 'Abe bhaduwe, tu to kuch bhi faltoo bolta hain. Chiknee chupri baaten karta hai aur badshah ka man jeet jata hai. Saala phokat ka navratna!'

Ek din gusse mein Tansen kehta hai ki 'Ab phaisla ho hi jaye kee kaun zyada tees markhan hai. Mein shart lagata hoon ki main Jodha Bai ka mamma choos sakta hoon.'

Birbal ki has has ke gaand phat gayee. Kehta hai ki 'Agar toone aisa kar diya, to main agle din bhari darbar mein nangaa aoonga!' Lag gai shart.

Tansen gaya bazaar, sapere ke paas. Kehta hai 'Bhai, mujhe ek sapola chahiye, untrained aur bina zeher ke hona chahiye'. Sapola khareed ke Tansen usko ghar pe training dena shuru karta hai. Ek aadmi ka putla banake sapole ko kehta hai 'SAPPU, uske taang pe kaat' to Sappu putle ki taang ko das leta hai.

Aise hi training karte karte sappu Tansen ka ishara dekh kar taang, haath, gala ityadi ko dasna seekh jaata hai. Jahan bhi Tansen ishaara karta, sappu dastaa. Training karke sappu ab taiyaar hogaya apne Big Day ke liye.

Ab baat aisi thi ki Akbar aur Jodha Bai har subah apne bageechon mein sair ke liye nikalte the. Agle din subah, Tansen bhi wahan chhup gaya, jhadiyon mein. Jahaanpanah aur Begum ko aate dekh kar Tansen ne phatse Sappu ko zameen pe chhod diya aur ishara mammon ki taraf karbola 'Sappu ja, dikha jalwa'. Sappu phat se gaya, Begum ki Taang par chad ke, Chut ko paar karte hue seedha ja pahuncha Mammon pe - aur ek second mein sali ko das diya - seedhe nipple pe!!!

Akbar to paagal ho gaya. 'Arre bachao, koi bachao. Meri begum ko saap ne das liya.' Tabhi Tansen nikla, bhaag ke gaya aur bola 'Jahaanpanah, ek upay hai mere paas Malikaye ko bachane ka - main aapke liye zeher choos ke bahar nikal loon, lekin aap naaraaz hokar meri gardan na katwa dein!'

Akbar bola 'Tu kuchh bhi kar lekin meri Begum ko bacha le. Mein tujhe sone mein tol doonga!' Phir kya tha, Tansen ne phat se Jodha Bai ko pakra, uska blouse Ranjit ki tareh phara aur phat se muh laga diya Jodha Bai ke mommon par, aur mazey leke choosne laga!

Birbal ne baat suni to uske chhakke chhoot gaye. 'Bhenchod, kal to lut gayee izzat. Bhari darbar mein nang-dhadang jaana padega.. gaand lag gayee.' Usne khoob socha, baal khujaye, daarhi khujayee, lekin no idea. Gaand jab khujayee to uchhalte hue idea aaya.

Agli subah darbar laga. Sabke saamne Akbar ne Tansen ki tareef ke pul bandhe aur kaha ki agar Tansen mein zaher choosne ki shakti nahin hoti to aaj Akbar apne aap hilaa rahe hote! Tansen on the other hand could not wait for Birbal to make an appearance. Khushi ke maare paagal ho raha tha, soch soch ke ki jab Birbal nangaa ayega, YES NANGAAA, to Akbar ki itni tauheen hogi, woh Birbal ki gaand pe itne chitther marenge ki Birbal zindagi bhar tatti nahin karpayega. Tabhi poore darbar mein hulchul machi. Dekha kya ki Birbal poora nanga bhaaga chalaa aa raha hai - hai hai chillate hue - apna lauda pakade hue!!!!!!!

Akbar ki maa chud gayee! Usne bahut gusse mein poochha 'Birbal, yeh kya gustakhi hai. Bhosadi ke, teri himmat kaise hui aise aane ki?'

Birbal bola 'Haye main mar gaya! Arre mujhe saap ne kaat liya - mere laude pe!'

Akbar - 'Tansen, jaldi - choos Birbal ka lauda - nikal de sara zeher!!!!!'